A Tender Mercy, A Christmas Miralce
One night over Christmas break Wyatt and I lay in bed talking about how the kids are growing up so much and so fast. Wyatt observed that in just a few short months Roo will go to Kindergarten and be gone part of the day, every day. And then I would only have one at home full time. And I haven’t had just one kid for all my attention in (by then) ten years!
And at that moment I FELT the tragedy of it all – of kids growing, of my motherhood shifting. I felt that regret and nostalgia that old women talk about. I burst into uncontrollable sobs.
And in that beautiful moment I felt all my mother strength returning to my bones and my resolve to not let these moments pass me by without truly enjoying them.
It was such a tender mercy. I’ve felt worn-out by motherhood for some time now. I’ve felt starved for the selfish desires that the world tells me are my right to have. And I’ve felt inconvenienced by the time my kids required of my life (every moment of every day and even the moments in between those!)
But that perspective granted to me in that very special moment reenergized and refocused me to the things that I really know in my heart are true – the things I’ve tried to live by in spite of the exhaustion.
And suddenly that exhaustion was gone. It was replaced with optimism and joy and pride in the work I’m doing. These kids are so precious, and my time with them is the very greatest gift of all the great gifts Heavenly Father has given me in mortality. I don’t want to squander it.
In the weeks since that night I have reflected on it often. Like most touches of the Spirit, the feeling came, and the feeling left. But I know in my heart that I experienced it. And I’m drawing on that knowledge to continue on in my Motherhood with joy and determination, and gratitude to Heavenly Father for the extra boost.