After writing that post last night, I felt . . .
Guilt.
Embarrasment.
Indignance.
Self-Doubt.
Because:
Guilt – that I was calling someone out. You see, I tend to be passive-aggressive. Bad family habit. I try HARD to not be this way, but my blog allows me to vent, instead of confronting the problem head on.
Embarrassment – that I was being all “Ooh, I’m super-mom, and I enjoy IT ALL” and your all like “Whatever, that is so not reality,” when I don’t really feel like I’m super-mom at all.
Indignance – Because I really do enjoy my life. Especially the moments when the little lovelies are involved. And as I’ve observed the lives of others, I’ve kinda realized that I might enjoy it more than the average soul. I don’t know why that is. I have my theories. But the bottom line is, I’m tired of people telling me my reality (No, thank you, Oprah!) and telling me I’m not being honest if I don’t agree.
Self-Doubt – Because what if I’m wrong? What if I only think I’m enjoying it, but later realize that I was too rushed, too grumpy, too quick to anger, and too preoccupied with what’s happening on Facebook, that I turn around and become one of those people that are stopping young mothers in the grocery store and telling them to enjoy it?
And so I thought:
What I should really do is just delete that post altogether.
But then I remembered what prompted me to write said post in the first place.
I was perusing my pictures late last night on Flickr – I mean, really digging deep into the archives. And I was perusing them by TAG instead of chronologically, so they were showing up in random order of time, but with my sweet lovelies in each.
And there were baby pictures of each love – not baby pictures, but pictures of them as babies. When Olivia’s wrists still had wrinkles, and Calvin’s tummy still protruded, and Everett still looked at the camera but didn’t smile.
And I thought of those little little lovelies. And how wonderful it was that they were they. And how fast they changed, before I even noticed it. And now Olivia is thin and lithe, and Calvin’s tummy has a child’s six-pack. And Everett looks at the camera and his whole face wrinkles into an uninhibited grin. And Roo is the baby who is toddling behind them all.
And I’m so grateful that I have THOUSANDS of pictures of those moments. I’m so glad that I took advantage of that time, and filled it up with happy memories and happy occasions, and didn’t record or dwell on those bad moments, but focused, and chose to think about the LOVE of it all. It may not be a perfect reflection of the day-to-day. But it makes for a beautiful water-colored memory of what their childhood was to me. And by all accounts, I did enjoy it.
But I agree. It does go so fast . . .
Hey Andrea,
This is your fellow head teacher from Urumqi. You have got quite the family now! Great photography!
I am applying to the State Department and I am telling about a specific event that happened in Urumqi. I wanted to make sure that I have the facts straight and wanted to check with you. I have to get it sent in within one week. Can you email me?
Thanks,
Dean Delap